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The Saga of Simon and Plastic Bags

10 years ago I adopted a cat, Simon. He’s a tuxedo cat, and even has “spatz”: the two middle toes on each paw are white. He was kind of a runt, but picked up some weight later in life.

In the past several weeks, though, he’s lost close to four pounds. You can can sometimes see the bones in his spine, he’s lost so much weight. Even subtly_modded said, “Simon is lookin’ pretty . . . angular.”

This is worrisome, so I took him to the vet. This is always a traumatic experience for him, mostly because he has to go into The Box and then into The Car. Then he got poked and prodded and had some blood drawn and what not and we sat back and waited to hear if he had a thyroid problem or kidney failure or summat.

stress stress stress stress stress stress stress

(The Saga of Dealing With the Vet Who Does Not Call Back With Results for Forty-Eight Hours is a tune for another day.)

At any rate, the blood work came back and guess what:

Just like me, his blood work is perfect. He could survive on beer and butter.

So that leaves us in the curious position as to what is causing his weight loss, and the vet and I both think we know:

He likes eating plastic bags.

Apparently, this is a habit a lot of cats do. I’ve read that they can smell rendered animal fat in them or something along those lines, or they like the texture, or whatever. But for a while now I’ve been finding puddles of puke that contained a lot of undigested plastic bags.

Which would explain weight loss, if one were vomiting up 70% of one’s daily intake of food.

Now, the dark spectre of cancer can still be in the running for this race. But logic says that it comes down to the plastic bags. So I have “babyproofed” the house (man, I found a large ziplock full of little D&D figures that Maynard brought over, and he’d destroyed half of it).

I have a prescription for him, even. Every day for a week or so I am to give him half a tablet of friggin’ Pepcid AC. Coated in butter. We’re gonna watch his weight (he’s at seven pounds now) over the next month or so and see what happens.

So let this be a lesson: don’t let cats near plastic bags.

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2 Responses

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  1. lexabear says

    My cat doesn’t care about bags (well, she seems to like the sound they make when she lies on them, doesn’t eat them though) but she LOVES cardboard boxes. And chewing them apart. If I leave a box around I will find twelve thousand cat-bite-sized pieces of cardboard scattered around it later. She doesn’t seem to eat any of it, though. She just likes to chew them apparently.

    I have heard that cats also love rubber bands, which are also bad for eating. If you have any rubber bands lying around, clean those up too.

  2. crisper says

    Two lessons, really: if you want to lose weight yourself, maybe start eating plastic bags!

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